The art of flirting is one long understood to be inherent. But with new tools, could it be taught?
With the growing trend of people online using artificial intelligence (AI) to analyze romantic texts and messaging, we at Newsweek wondered if such technology could be applied to teaching romantic skills. We asked the generative AI tool ChatGPT if it could teach us how to flirt.
We submitted the following prompt to the chatbot: "You are a romantically interested in a person you've just met. How do you flirt with them?"
ChatGPT's Response in Five Steps
ChatGPT proposed a list of five methods people can use to flirt effectively.
The five factors, as suggested by the AI tool, are listed below:
Compliments
Compliments are a simple way to let someone know you're interested, but they should feel genuine and thoughtful. Instead of going for something generic like, "You're pretty," try to find something specific that stands out to you. For example:
These kinds of compliments show that you've paid attention and are interested in more than just surface-level qualities. It also opens up opportunities for conversation. After complimenting their style, you could ask where they got a particular item or if they have a favorite place to shop.
Light Teasing
Teasing, when done right, can create a playful and flirty dynamic. It works best when there's already a bit of rapport. For instance:
The key here is to keep the teasing positive and never hurtful. Avoid teasing about sensitive topics. Teasing adds a bit of fun and can make the conversation feel less formal and more intimate. Gauge their reaction to see if they're comfortable with this dynamic.
Body Language
Non-verbal communication is a huge part of flirting. Subtle body language cues can show that you're interested and open to connecting:
Ask Questions
Asking thoughtful questions shows genuine interest in the person and gives them a chance to open up. Instead of sticking to surface-level topics, you could ask:
These kinds of questions go beyond small talk and allow for deeper, more meaningful conversations. They also give you a chance to learn more about them and find common ground. Listening actively to their responses is crucial-this shows that you value their opinions and experiences.
Use Humor
Humor can be one of the most effective ways to connect with someone and make them feel at ease. A well-placed joke or a bit of lightheartedness can help break the ice. Keep it playful and in tune with the vibe of the conversation:
Humor helps diffuse any tension and brings a light, enjoyable energy to your interaction. Just make sure the jokes align with their sense of humor-be attentive to their reactions and adjust if necessary.
Flirting is all about balance-showing interest without coming on too strong and letting the conversation flow naturally.
'Deeply Personal and Context-Specific'
Seth Eisenberg, the president and CEO of the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS) Foundation, told Newsweek that the tool wasn't so far off in its romantic instructions.
"The advice provided by ChatGPT is quite thoughtful, especially considering that it's coming from a non-human perspective. Flirting, after all, is an inherently human, emotional process rooted in connection and intuition," he said.
Eisenberg agreed with most of the suggestions on a surface level, but complicated the advice with a consideration of different life experiences and contexts.
Compliments and "light teasing" he pointed out, were actions which may be received differently depending on context.
"How the compliment is received can depend on the person's level of comfort, culture or past experiences," he said. "People from different cultural backgrounds may interpret teasing differently-what feels lighthearted to one person could feel like criticism to another."
To all of the suggested methods by the chatbot, Eisenberg advised adding a foundation of emotional availability and authenticity.
"Flirting works best when both people are emotionally present," he said. "It's not just about techniques, but about being genuinely engaged with the other person. A person might have excellent flirtation 'skills,' but if they aren't truly present, the connection will feel hollow."
The AI advice also lacks nuance, he said, regarding cultural, gender or sexual orientation contexts. "Flirting norms can vary greatly across cultures; what is acceptable in one may be taboo in another. AI, for all its intelligence, can struggle to capture these nuanced, unspoken social rules that govern human interaction," he said.
Ultimately, while the ChatGPT advice can, on the surface, appear quite solid, Eisenberg said we need to look a bit deeper.
"True connection requires far more sensitivity, emotional engagement and cultural awareness than AI can offer," he said. "It's important for people to remember that flirting and relationship-building are deeply personal and context-specific, requiring mindfulness, respect and authenticity."
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